Alchohol and Blood
by Chiri-chan
Summary: well, I TRIED to make it romantic...sorta came off as terribly cheesy humor though...I just have one warning, throughout this ENTIRE fic will be references to ASS-BELTS. maybe not that much right now, but there will be LOTS! warnings: humor, maybe bloody
1. Alcohol and Blood chapter 1

ALCOHOL AND BLOOD

by:Chiri-chan

well, another fic I don't know if I'll be able to finish...for all you waiting for me to finish Disney nightmare and such, I will have you know that it IS in fact done...I just need to type it up. same thing goes for Nyquil doom.....so much yaoi lemon..I got three nosebleeds just writing it... well, anyways, just enjoy the story!! and for the story I tried to continue off of with this, I'm SORRY in ADVANCE. I know this doesn't even come close to how good your story was.... if any one wants to read it before mine, then just look for a story in the FF8 area called Cigarettes and Alcohol.

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Squall shook his head in disbelief. Quistis? and Seifer? TOGETHER? It couldn't be true.

Squall paced his room more determinedly. How could his arch-rival convince his friend that he could actually care for her? It made no sense. Squall angrily stomped over to his mini-bar, and made himself a margarita.

Sure, it was bland, but it helped him to forget his mistakes. That bitch Rinoa...He should have seen that moment coming...

::Flashback::

"Y'know Squall," mumbled Rinoa, caressing Squall's naked chest with her sweaty palm, "That was really good."

"Whatever..." sadi Squall, putting his arm aroung Rinoa's waist loosely. There was a moment of silence.

"I think we should break up!"

"Whatev.......WHAT?!?!?" Squall stood up from the bed, screaming loudly.

"well," started Rinoa, putting on her clothes, "I thoughtm you were really cool when I met you, and I really WAS attracted to you physically, but now I've decided to go with someone a little more hyper and peppy!"

Squall looked ready to cry...::PLEASE!! just anyone but who I'm thinking, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!:: "Please tell me it's not,"

"It's ZELL!!" squealed Rinoa, hugging her sneakers to her chest. Squall just collapsed onto the bed, watching Rinoa dash out the door, and jump nito the arms of his Once best friend.\

::End Flashback::

Squall had begun drinking lots of liquor by now, and was feeling a *might* tipsy.

"I knooooow! I'll find a 'splacement!!"

Sure, he wasn't speaking right, but his thoughts were clear as crystal. He realised what that bitch Rinoa had been clouding his thoughts from... Quistis.

Quistis had beem practically his whole life, that is, until Rinoa butted in acting like the whole wrold was in preil if she didn't have any nail polish remover. He didn't know why or how she had gotten to him acting like that, but now he just wanted to forget.

But now that he had his feelings straightened out, Seifer, that bastard, had stolen his woman! INJUSTICE!!! well, not really his woman, but he pushed that stay thought from his head.

"Quistis is just playing a trick on me.. she'd never stop loving me, she's too loyal for that!!" said Squall to himslef, closing the door to his room, and going out in search for his "NEW" beloved, Quistis!

* * * * *

Quistis walked down the hall, admiring the blue azure school ring seifer had placed onto her slender finger.

"As soon as I xcan afford it, I'll get you a real ring," was what Seifer had told her before runnig off to earn some money from battles.

"I can't believe I never saw Seifer's true feelings. Maybe I was obsessing a little *TOO* much over Squall to not see it..." mumbled Quistis, holind her hand up to the sunlight.

"well, never again! I will only have eyes for Seifer!"

Squall rounded the corner, and saw his angel, sitting on a bench next to the fountains. ::Now's my chance! She must be thinking of ways to dump that creep!::

Quistis looked up to see Squall walking towards her...wait, he wasn't walking, he was STRUTTING!!

"Hello *snicker* Squall! How are you*chuckle* doing today?" Quistis was trying REALLY hard not to laugh, butit wasn;'t working too well.

"Hey there, pretty mama." said Squall, trying to remember all those moves on how to pick up chicks he saw on that show.. What was it called? oh yeah, it was Johnny Bravo!

"Yes, what do you want?" asked quistis, looking a little unnerved, and searching for Rinoa. Whenever Squall talked to her, his human leech always managed to pop up and ruin their conversations... how she wished Rinoa would do that now.

"I just wanted to say how fine you're looking today!" sadi squall, spasmatically flexing, and making his ass belts jiggle. "would you do me the great pleasure of going for some dinner?" said squall right after in a ver amnnerish voice.

Quistis was scared shitless. First, Squall was ignoring her throughout his graduation for that evil bimbo, then he starts acting like some wierd hair-dooed man from the fifties, and now he's being a polite gentleman, asking her to dinner!

She'd had enough of this nonsense. Didn't Squall realize he was too late? Quistis shook her head at Squall and looked at him with unclouded eyes.

"Squall, I know I cared for you in the past, and you casn think whatever you want about what could of been, but please realize; I've gotten over you. You will always have Rinoa, so why destroy you r relationship *AND* a friendship in the process of you just not wanting your rival to date your best friend?"

Sqaull was dumbstruck. Quistis was rejecting HIM? The guy every girl in the school wanted to jump in the halls? NO WAY! Plus, his relationship was already screwed.

"Quistis, the reason I asked you is because Rinoa and I broke up. She....she.....she left me for.....,"Squall couldn't say the words, "Zell." He winced at the mentioning of that evil one's name on his lips.

::Maybe the cute innocent way will win her over to my side!::

Quisits walked over to the almost-crying bishie, and put her hand on his shoulder. "Squall," said ?Quistis, making Squall lift up his head, "There's no way that lil trick is going to work on me."

Squall facefaulted, and sort of just seeped into the ground.

Unfortunately, Seifer had seen the whole scene, ass belts jiggling and all. He stomped over, hoisted Squall up by his fluffy collar, and loudly shouted into his ear, "Listen up! You stay away from Quistis! She's MY Bitch!!"

and with that, punted Squall clear out of the garden.

Quistis was short of breath. Seifer was that protective?

COOL!

At least she wouldn't have to worry about Squall trying to make a move on her anymore.

Seifer turned around to find Quistis looknig a lil shocked and sitting on the bench. He sensed something was wrong, and pulled her up into an embrace.

"It's ok now, Quistis. What's wrong? Did he hurt you? That scum, I oughtta carve his entrails out with a cafeteria spork!" grumbled Seifer, but concern evident in his voice.

Quistis sighed, and drew herself closer into Seifer's warmth;burying her head into his shoulder. "I'm fine," softly said Quistis, lifting her head and reaching a hand up to caress Seifer's cheek, "I'm just happy you'd protect me at any length...and that you care so much."

Quistis caught the look of surprise and resentment, but it quickly vanished to a look of affection in Seifer's eyes.

Squall, supporting a few bruises, watched the cute public display of affection. "It's not over Seifer, not by a long shot..." said Squall, vanishing into the darkness.

well, tell me what you think!! PLEASE?!?!? I love feedback, even if it's BAD!! it helps me to improve!


	2. Alcohol and Blood Chapter 2

Alcohol and Blood 

Chapter 2 

By: Chiri-chan 

Hi all! If you're here, then that means ya wanna read more!! GREAT!!!! This chapter is dedicated to my best friend, Chibi-Quistis Almasy, who, without her inspiration, would never have bugged me to write more to this!!!! 

Ok, quickie disclaimer! None of this stuff belongs to me, except my obsession with ASS-BELTS!! 

Warning: mild shonen ai in some parts, Quifer, Squall and Rinoa bashing (well, actually, just having Squall making an idiot out of himself…I call that bashing) and Selphie and Irvine acting like themselves, for once. 

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Squall, sporting a few bruises, watched the cute public display of affection. "It's not over Seifer, not by a long shot..." said Squall, vanishing into the darkness. 

"Hey, Squall!" shouted Selphie, alerting the two lovebirds who was spying, "I heard ya got dumped! Anyway, Fujin's lookin for ya, said something about 'sweet monkey love' or along the lines of it!" 

Squall sweatdropped, and turned his head to stare back at the happy couple, but was greeted with a pair of cold eyes. "Ummmm, Hi Seifer! Nice weather, huh? I was just saying to Selphie how...." 

"Squall?" 

"Yes, Seifer-sama?" 

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!"And with those few words, proceeded to pound Squall into the ground. 

"Damn, looks like Squall's become a Trepie..." mumbled Quistis, and walked off with a VERY happy Seifer. 

"Seifer...He's yummy..."trailed off Selphie, and turned to Squall. "Hey, I got an idea!" and sat, looking smart. 

Squall was just getting up from his three-foot grave, and thought to himself, "I wish I could come up with a plan...but my mind's blank..." 

Squall started mumbling, but none of it really made any sense, so he finally gave up and said, "I don't know what to do...I'll ask Selphie!" 

"Ok, Selphie, what's your plan?" asked Squall, readying a bag of ice for her head. 

"We kill Quistis!!" 

"NO!!!!! If anyone dies, it's Seifer." 

"NOOO!!!" 

"So then what do we do?" 

Selphie thought long and hard for an answer. "I know! We break them up! 

"Wow.... that was so incredibly simple, Irvine could've thought of it...." Squall said, then shrugged and walked off, Selphie trailing behind. 

"Oh, Seifer..." Gasped Quistis, shuddering as his hands moved lower and lower down her body. 

"Shhh... I haven't gotten all the Carbuncle hair off your skirt yet."He slowly took off the remaining pieces off her skirt. 

"Is that all of it?" she asked, not daring to look down. 

They had been in a huge battle, and Quistis had called out Carbuncle, only the cute lil thing hadn't been brushed for about 1,000 years. 

Quite literally, it SHED. 

But now, the hair was off, and Seifer could take something else off his woman besides bunny hair. "This way, Quistis," said Seifer, leading her towards the shower. 

*INSERT LEMON HERE* 

Squall was STILL trying to get Quistis to fall for him, but we all know how that's going...(wink wink nod nod). 

We now see him going through his room; Irvine and Selphie at the door. 

"Drat it all...has anyone seen my 'Tiger Beat' magazine?" whimpered Squall as he searched under the bed. 

"uhnnnn..."said Selphie, hiding the magazine behind her back. 

"Hey!" shouted Squall, pulling something out, "It's my ass-belts case! I've been looking everywhere for this!" Squall then spotted the magazine behind Selphie's back. "NYARGA! I found it!" and tried to get behind Selphie. 

"I don't have it!" Selphie cried, trying to give it to Irvine, but he had *mysteriously* disappeared. 

"Is that your final answer?" chuckled Squall, pouncing on Selphie, and grabbing the magazine. 

"This magazine has everything a girl wants in a man! I shall be the hottest thing since spandex!" he peered into the magazine, and started rummaging through the pages; trying to find a style he could actually pull off. 

"Hmmm, Justin Timberlake.... no, Sisqo...no, I know! Tupac!" and with that statement, decided to become the next Tupac. 

"Hmmm, might have to do something with the wardrobe. Hey, Irvine!" shouted Squall, causing Irvine to slowly creep into the room. 

"Yes, Squall?" 

"Do these belts make my ass look big?" 

Irvine didn't even bat an eyelash. 

"No, I always thought they looked good plastered all over your ass." 

"Whew!" Squall wiped his head with his sleeve, "That's a good thing! You're always a good judge for clothes! 

Squall stood up, and got into a pose. "Now, off to impress MY woman!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!" laughed Squall, raising his hands in a maniacal way. 

"Ummm, isn't she SEIFER'S woman now?" asked Irvine. 

"NO! And she never will be!" yelled Squall, stomping off to Quistis' room. 

"Mmmmmm, yummy Squall booty..."trailed off Irvine as Selphie dragged him to the cafeteria. 

Seifer and Quistis were STILL in the shower, making yummy weasel passion, when the door to the shower opened, and a deep voice could be heard. 

"DAMN! Baby got back!" whistled Squall, but after he said it, he realized he was staring at SEIFER'S ass, not Quistis'! 

"What did you say, freak?!?" Yelled Seifer, grabbing a towel for Quistis, and then stepping out of the shower, ready to kick more Squall booty. 

Squall held up his hand and just said, "Word up, G." 

"Huh?" said Seifer, lowering his guard. 

"BOOYAH!" Shouted squall, lowering his head, and heat butting Seifer. 

"SEIFER!!" screamed Quistis, dropping to the floor, and holding Seifer's unconscious body. 

"C'mon Quistis! Let's elope to Candyland!" 

"WHAT?!?!? Have you ACTUALLY gone insane Squall?" shouted Quistis at him, getting her whip out, ready to do her own Squall ass-kickin. 

Squall just looked blankly, and said, "homey don't play that." 

Completely confusing poor Quistis, this gave him the opportunity to pick her up, and run like mad to his sports car. 

With a duck-taped up Quistis in shotgun, he cranked up the volume to past maximum, and spun down the road singing, "GROOVY LOVE SONG! HALE HALELUAH!" along with his newly bought Card Captor Sakura CD. 

Seifer came to only to find himself nude and lying on Quistis' bathroom floor. 

"Did I eat Quistis' cooking again? Grumbled Seifer, then remembered Squall acting in total lunacy, and........GASP! Kidnapping his woman! 

"Oooooh, someone's GONNA DIE!" yelled Seifer, and sped after Squall on his motorcycle. 

TBC!!!!! 

So how is it so far?!?!? C&C appreciated!!!!


	3. Alcohol and Blood Chapter 3

ALCOHOL AND BLOOD no.3!! ^.^

ALCOHOL AND BLOOD

chapter 3

by: Chiri-chan!!!!!

Thank you all for being with me for this entire fic.... it's insane.... it's all dedicated to Chibi Quistis Almasy, she's a great fic writer, and my best buddy (next to Dilly-chan, and Minako) but she's the one that loves FF8 soooo much, I had to write this for her!

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"Oooooh, someone's GONNA DIE!" yelled Seifer, and sped after Squall on his motorcycle.

how squall had confused him, Seifer wasn't sure about, but he knew there was gonna be tons of ass-kicking tonight!

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Quistis woke up to seductive music playing, and looked around at her surroundings.

:: Hmmm, day-glo inflatable furniture, plush bed, looks like squall dug up his homework on 60's type lovin'::

Squall looked through the curtians at his little love goddess, and then turned around twiddling his thumbs.

"But she might reject me again....What am I saying?!? I'm the stud of the school! Everyone wants me! Even the GUYS!!!!!!" said Squall to himself, straightening up and strutting out into the bedroom, "Girls go sterile just by looking at me." ::I'll just act like my usual "whatever" self.::

Quistis sort of shrinked into the velour bed when squall came out in his usual haughty mood.

"Umm," started Quistis, backing away, but she found she was chained to the bed (KINKY! ^.^), "Can you let me go, squall? You know, I have students I still need to teach...they haven't gotten out of class yet.."

"Whatever." came Squall's reply as he advanced towards her.

"Oh, great... he has to go back to his uncaring side just as I'm about to be raped! And I was going to save myself for Seifer... wait. I ALREADY gave myself to Seifer!" mumbled Quistis to herself.

Just as Squall got in front of her, he grabbed his shirt with one hand, and yanked off all his clothes; except for the hidden silver thong underneath.

"Do I make you horny baby? DO I?!" said Squall, thrusting his hips everywhere, and making Quistis gag.

"Squall, stop it! There might be little kids reading this!" said Quistis, pointing at the computer screen.

"So? They read the labeled warning! It's PG-13! They're not even supposed to be in here without parental supervision!!" replied Squall, advancing onto Quistis.

"STOP RIGHT THERE, ASS-WIPE!" shouted Seifer from the stairs. (author and Chibi Quistis: where did stairs come from? it's a bedroom!) He slid down the banister, and hit squall with the blunt side of his gunblade.

"Why'd you hit him with the DULL side? He was trying to rape me! KILL HIM!" shouted Quistis, once she saw squall slowly crawling towards her.

"I'm not going to kill him...yet. I just challenged him to a duel!" Seifer declared, getting up, and sauntering over to help up Quistis, holding out his hand very gentleman-like.

"A DUEL?!?" asked both Squall and Quistis, sweat dropping. they knew Seifer liked duels.... but at this time?

"YES! A duel!" replied Seifer, holding his gunblade to the light, and placing it into Quistis' hands.

"what kind of duel? Gunblades?" asked Squall, his normal clothes magically appearing on his body.

"No... a duel at Dance Dance Revolution! MWAHAHAHAHA!!" yelled Seifer, getting one of those evil villain looks..... obviously having caught that insane bug Squall had.

"Umm, Seifer? Do you even know how to play that?" asked Quistis, fidgeting out of her chains.

"OF COURSE I DO! WHO DOESN'T?" yelled Seifer, grabbing the chains and breaking them apart; they were giving him "bad BAD" thoughts.

"GO QUISTIS! Fetch me... My dance shoes!" bellowed Seifer, ripping off his cloak, and showing off the black tank top and dark blue spandex shorts. (an: hmm, anyone else thinking of Heero from GundamW?)

"Ummm....ok..." said Quistis, grabbing shoes out of Seifer's trench coat, and tossing the shiny silver things to him.

"Good. but where's the game?" asked Squall, pointing to the bare room, "We can't play without it."

"No problem!" shouted Seifer, pointing to a corner of the room, and whistled.

*A blue haired girl accompanied by Zell lugged out a huge DDR machine, then hopped into Zell's arms offstage, grinning like a maniac*

"There is our machine! Now let's go!" shouted Seifer, jumping onto the panels, and making sure his side of the buttons didn't stick.

"Wait, I need to warm-up first." said Squall, stepping on the panel, straightening his assbelts.

"Fine, we'll play butterfly to warm up... but then it's on to the hardest song in the game... Paranoia!! MWAHAHA! cackled Seifer, getting into a position not unlike a water fountain cherub. (as to what kind of water fountain cherub position, I leave to your imagination ^.~)

and it started.

TBC!!!!!! I'd be evil if I was serious, ne? Just kidding!!!!!

Seifer, being the usual showoff he is, executed the song with perfect timing, twirls, jumps, and dancing. Squall, on the other hand, looked like he was about to pass out from the exercise.

The song ended, and Seifer stood triumphant with his no-miss, no-boo, perfect score.

Squall had a D... and a low one at that.

"Hah! you are no match for me!" boasted Seifer, looking happy at the fact he was upstaging puberty boy.

"We'll see... hurry up and pick the next one!" murmured Squall, a murderous glint in his eyes.

Dam Dariram popped up.

Seifer, not having played this song had no dances...no real skill for it either.

Squall wasn't doing anything at all good either, so Zell said, "Screw it!" and pushed him off.

"YAY ZELL!!" cheered both Rinoa and Chiri-chan from the sidelines.

Chiri-chan, being the author and all, and DEFINITELY not liking to be upstaged a bit by the evil one known as Rinoa, kicked her out of the story by tossing her into a pit of rabid lawyers.

For once, Zell seemed to be better at something than anyone else.... DDR!!!!! Boy, could that man dance!

Score for Dam Dariram: Seifer, D ; Zell, A

"Looks like it's tied." they both declared.

Seifer was panting for breath after the song, when the final song, Paranoia finally came up.

"Oooh, you may have been able to defeat me at other songs, Chicken-wuss, but there's NO WAY you can beat me at Paranoia!" chuckled Seifer, feeling his win already. there was no one who knew this song better than him.

"Just play the game." was all Zell said.

Feet flew... moves were made.... Seifer did 360 spins and handstands. Zell did back flips off the game screen, and ran around the outside of the guard rail; It was sheer brilliance.

The song ended, and the scores came up.

"TIED?!?!" screamed Seifer and Zell together, then giving each other death glares.

"Apparently, we'll have to have a rematch one of these days," said Seifer, putting out his hand to shake with Zell, "but first, I have some trash I need to get rid of... it's been trying to stink up my woman."

"Hmm, can I help?" asked Zell, pulling out his special "whoop-ass" gloves.

"Sure!" and with that little word, Seifer and Zell attacked Squall like he'd just eaten the last Oreo cookie in existence.

Quistis sits in the distance, looking at the sunset. ::I don't want any more days like this..... OH MY GOD!!!! I left my students in class!!! it's been two days!!!!!:: and with that thought, ran back to Garden, praying they'd ditched class for once.

**********

THE END!!!!!!!!!! Wow... I've finished a fic??!?!? AHHH!!! My reputation is RUINED!!! still what do ya guys think? weird enough for ya?! feels weird... I don't like finishing fics!!! and yes, the nice blue-haired chick is ME! who'da thought? well, give me feedback, it's the only thing that keeps me goin. I'm lucky I found the time to type this up, what with work, and family things goin on. wait around! my best buddy is writing a serious version of this fic, so I know it'll be good!!! oh, and I'm writing two new fics too! they'll be up soon, and the next chapters of the others too!!  



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